Bellbowrie

My brother in law is a fellow called Andrew. He is Camilla's brother.

Andrew is a good bloke. He has a lovely wife, Julie, and three polite and well mannered children, Jack, Max and Alice.

Andrew is cool for a bald guy. He's a sports journo and good company. He thinks he looks a bit like Bruce Willis but Camilla sees more George Costanza. He enjoys a beer and a barbeque and people warm to him easily.

Julie is an executive for a multinational software sales company. She travels a lot so Andrew does the Mr Mom thing pretty often. Julie is good fun too and our families get on well.

Andrew and Julie teach their kids to appreciate music from old guys who can sing and write songs, like Jimmy Buffett. They drink decent wine and spend their weekends ferrying the kids to various sports.

Andrew and Julie live in a suburb called Bellbowrie.

After spending a few months on Desolation Row, I decided to lend Andrew my car. It's a sexy little BMW sports - gunmetal grey and fast. No, I don't earn too much money. I bought it used and it is getting on a bit now.

My sister in law, Min, once drove this car from Brisbane to Toowoomba in around twelve minutes. Toowoomba is the provincial city in which Camilla and I were both born and raised. It's home to around 120,000 people and around 120 km West of Brisbane. Min drives fast because she lives in London. I received a speeding camera ticket in the mail, a few days after she left to return to London. Thanks, Min.

Anyway, Andrew took the car with great pleasure and it became a temporary resident of Bellbowrie. No one from Bellbowrie has ever seen a BMW, let alone owned one. The locals must be standing on footpaths pointing to the car, saying things like, "Where are the spotlights for pig shootin?" In Bellbowrie the folk drive utes with lots of stickers on them. They say things like "Rum Pig". Some of them have confederate flags. This is not a political statement. They just like the stripes because they've seen them on other desirable vehicles.

Julie earns good money. In fact, her bonuses equate to the GDP of the rest of Bellbowrie combined.

Andrew and Julie live in an enormous Tudor style house that towers over the rest of Bellbowrie. When they bought it, they set the record sales price for Bellbowrie. It will never be broken.

Andrew calls himself the Lord of Bellbowrie and signs correspondence and documents with the simple epitath bearing the name of his domicile: Bellbowrie.

Bellbowrie suffered hard in the Brisbane floods. So did my suburb, Indooroopilly. Indooroopilly is reasonably posh and our taxi drivers drive Mercs and Audis. Anyway, the folk of Bellbowrie were pretty upset that they were forgotten when Brisbane undertook the biggest, fastest and best cleanup and restoration ever seen after a natural disaster. We didn't forget them. It's called natural selection. The manor was OK and sat loftily above the devastation, albeit isolated for a while.  

Kids in Bellbowrie are called Tiffanee, Chardonnay and Tarleena. They are required to get a least one tattoo on turning ten. Boys and girls.

Anyway, Andrew and Julie have been fantastic since I have been in hospital. They have cooked meals for our kids, driven them to school and helped Camilla immensely during a difficult time. Your help is very much appreciated. Thanks guys. I really owe you.

I'll be in for a while and can't drive again until at least 4 months after my transplant. So, Andrew, you have plenty of time to drive around Bellbowrie in the beemer listening to Margueritaville and collecting tithes from the serfs.


Until next time,