A not so motley crew

Insolvency practitioners, both lawyers and accountants, are sometimes compared to vultures or pirates. I myself prefer pirates. Vultures are ugly, feed off carrion and smell bad. Pirates on the other hand are, well, pirates. They are exotic and brave and speak with a colourful lexicon. What is more fun late at a pub when conversing with your workmates? Talking like a pirate or screeching like a vulture?

So pirate is it. When I get my transplant and sufficiently recover I am going to go back to life as a professional pirate. Back to plundering booty from corporate galleons who have struck misfortune along the Spanish main.

It is axiomatic that a pirate needs a crew and my crew be a fine one indeed.

My first mate is a lad called Sammy. In his younger days, he was a National level rower, or oarsman if you will. Sammy is tall, fair, muscular and good looking. A fine specimen of manhood. Moreover he is a hell of a good young lawyer. He knows the law well, has an ability to formulate and implement tactics, speaks and writes well and is a good advocate in Court when needed. Sammy has been carrying my practice since I've been out of action and doing a sterling job in all respects. It is comforting to know that Sammy is sailing the ship until my sealegs are ready to board again. Well done, mate. Well done indeed.

The young buccaneers who sail with us are Matt and Anna. They are smart, confident young lawyers (or trainee lawyer in Anna's case) with stratospheric academic results and bucketloads of enthusiasm and drive. Matt thinks he's a lady's man, despite the orange hair. Anna has a taste for fine food and wine far beyond the salary I pay her. Other lawyers in the firm are keeping Matt and Anna busy until I get back on deck. Thanks for that, guys. Don't hesitate to drag out the cat-o-nine-tails if they give you any trouble.

The glue that binds our crew together is our secretary, Terrissa. She's a lovely young lass who is adept at keeping order and egos in check. Terrissa is quick and efficient. She types like a machine but has a kind heart and pleasant manner. Over my career, I have had three excellent long term secretaries and all have assisted me to be a better lawyer.

When I get back onto the ship I will sport some mean pirate scars. My current crop of scars are jagged, discoloured and lumpy.  After transplant surgery, these scars will have even bigger, uglier scars on top of them, or through them. The final result will be a patchwork of real man's scars. True battle scars that tell stories of knifefights and brawls in salty sailor's taverns. Scars that inspire rum-soaked yarns and shanties. I'm tempted to think that this whole ordeal will be worth it for the scars.

Sammy has a few scars of his own. He was involved in a cycling accident a couple of years ago and broke his shoulder. This necessitated surgery and rehab. I think he took a total of ten hours off work.

Anna now has a little scar because she had her appendix out last week. Matt has no scars at all so a few of the boys from work are prepared to help me out with that. Jon Erbacher and Liam Fairhall have agreed to pin him down so that Sammy can create a few choice life tags on his pasty white skin. Alex de Luca has agreed to watch and maybe taunt him a little. de Luca likes to watch.


Until next time, me hearties,